Fade In:

ext. mountain roadside - day

Dex Baker, a businessman in a raincoat stands next to his Farrari looking through binoculars. A beautiful woman leans out.  She is Francesca Dubois, and she is studying a French/English dictionary.

DEX
In a minute, darlin’.

Francesca sees a squirrel cross the road, tosses some airline peanuts out, and holds a few more in her hand.  The squirrel picks up the nuts and advances toward her.

Through the binoculars Dex sees a landfill and a house. He pans the area and sees human-like statues made of out pipes, buckets, and gas cans.  One pair looks like a dancing couple, one is at attention giving a salute, another is a knight with a makeshift sword and shield.

Old rusty chairs and a muddy antique garbage truck sit next to the house.  A scruffy young man with long hair, Joe Mcintyre, exits the front door wearing oversized Valentine boxers.  Joe jumps around doing air guitar and sings to a pig on the porch. Joe dances with the pipe figures and salutes the other.

DEX
What a moron.  I won’t even have to break a sweat.

Dex looks away from the binoculars and sees the squirrel eating out of Francesca’s hand.  He reaches down, picks up a rock, throws it, and misses. 

The squirrel runs under the Farrari and Dex scuffs gravel at it.  The squirrel runs and Dex tosses rocks at it.  Francesca looks in fear until the squirrel is safe.

DEX
Filthy vermin.  I paid for my first bike by getting a buck for each rat I killed.  Squirrels were easier to kill.  Cut off the tail, and no one was the wiser.

Francesca hides the peanut wrapper and studies the dictionary again.  Dex pulls a cell phone out of his coat and dials. 

DEX
( into phone)
It’s me, got a second? (pause)  I’m looking at exactly what we need...Yup.  Unlicensed, extremely rural, and unmanned. (pause) Let’s just say the guy can’t dress himself and eat with a fork.

FRANCESCA
( bad French accent)
Mon Cherie, breakfast, si vous plait!

Dex turns his back to her.

DEX
I know. It’s perfect. Gotta go.  I’ll call back later with details. (pause) Got it.

Dex folds up the phone and smiles at Francesca.  She sees the squirrel again and distracts Dex with a long kiss. 

FRANCESCA
( bad French accent)
Dex, it is so cold, and you are so wet.  Must we stay, si vous plait?

DEX
Sure thing, darlin’.  I’ve seen all I need to see.

Dex looks again and sees Joe is no longer visible.  The old garbage truck is climbing the mountain towards them. 

DEX

Shoot!

Dex leaps in the car, turns the key and tries to peal out.  The Farrari spins across the narrow road, lands in a water filled ditch and stalls.

DEX

Shoot, shoot, shoot!

He turns the engine over and over, and the car starts.  He drives out onto the road with the engine rumbling roughly.

Joe drives up the road and swerves to miss the squirrel.  He pulls up next to them in his dirty, noisy 1948 Garwood garbage truck with a plastic knight duct taped to the hood. The truck is splattered in mud so that of the original McIntyre & Son’s only M      e S s is visible.

JOE
You folks need any help?

Silence. The tinted windows of the Farrari remain down.

Dex revs the engine to keep it from stalling.  Joe revs his engine.  The Farrari squeals forward only to miss again.

Joe races in front of the Farrari, to the right of it, to the left.  He sprays it with mud, and bits of paper fly out of the compactor and stick to Dex’s windshield.

Dex grits his teeth and downshifts trying to keep his car engine running.  Francesca looks horrified and disgusted.

A half-eaten burger lands on the windshield and slides up leaving mustard and ketchup behind. Joe slows and pulls up next to the Farrari at a stop sign. 

JOE
It’s what’s on the inside that counts!

The Farrari stops missing and Dex roars off to the right.

Joe honks his horn and waves goodbye.  He notices that his plastic knight has come loose from its duct tape.  He gets some from the truck and reattaches the knight until the front of the Garwood is covered in gray tape.

JOE
( singing)

     ext. bakerlandco - day

Dex zooms up in his muddied Farrari to a space marked “Mr. Baker”, next to a long line of shiny garbage trucks.  He steps on a pile of trash that includes a doll that squeaks “Mama” as he steps on it.  He kicks the doll.  He walks around and opens Francesca’s door.

     int. bakerlandco offices - day

They walk in together where a dozen workers are waiting.

DEX
( angrily)
Vic, why don’t you get Francesca some latte and some French crullers.

Vic Pitman, a lean man, nods and leads Francesca away.  Dex sits behind an expansive desk to address the workers.

DEX
As you know, the fully automated, self-loading computerized trucks are here. No need to sugar coat it.  Everyone hired after 2000, is let go.

The men grumble and shuffle around.

WORKER
You fired 10 last week, isn’t that enough?

DEX
Are you trying to tell me how to run my own business?  You think you know so much? Get your own truck and see how far you get. Finish the day and get lost.

The workers shuffle out, and Dex walks to the back.  Francesca poses on a chair seductively eating a donut.

DEX
Get enough to eat, darlin’?

FRANCESCA
Oui, mon cherie.

Dex pours himself some coffee and sits down next to her.

VIC
Friday’s coming up pretty quick.  I hope you’ve got some ideas.

DEX
Do I ever.  I met just the little creep who needs to be taught a lesson.  There’s an unlicensed landfill not 5 miles from here.

VIC
No way!

DEX
Yes, way.  And better yet, it’s owned by an imbecile born to sacrifice himself to his intellectual superiors.

VIC
Does Decatur know about this yet?

DEX
Already spoke to him. All we have to do is move the stuff, get the county contract, alert the EPA, and voila!  I get the grant to clean it up.  It’s so easy it isn’t even a challenge.

Vic nods at Francesca and looks questioningly at Dex.

DEX
We can talk in front of Francesca.  Remember she doesn’t speak English well.  She doesn’t understand big words like environmental protection, and challenge.  Right Frannie?

Francesca seductively licks frosting off her fingers.

FRANCESCA
( bad French accent)
Oui! ou Non? Oh, I don’t know.

DEX
Besides, she knows what’s good for Dex is good for her.

Francesca looks adoringly at Dex.  He leans forward for a kiss, takes out his wallet, and hands her some cash.

DEX
I want you to go get yourself something slinky and exotic.  We have to go into Possumville tomorrow and I want all eyes on you.

Francesca chokes.  She gags and pounds on her chest.

DEX
What’s wrong with you?

FRANCESCA
( bad French accent)
I feel, ‘ow you say, ill.

DEX
You can be sick later.  Go get some new clothes, something tight.

He pulls her up and slaps her on the butt.  Vic hands her a key.  She coughs and belches loudly.  They look disgusted. 

Francesca sees their looks.  She drops the key and bends over slowly to get them.  Both men stare appreciatively.

VIC
Oh, yeah, that works for me.

She kisses Dex goodby and leaves.

DEX
Yep. A dream come true.  Gorgeous and doesn’t talk back.  

     ext. alley - day

Joe drives his Garwood behind Max’s Killer Grub Diner. A tall, skinny woman with platinum blonde hair in a waitress uniform, Ginny, exits carrying garbage bags.

GINNY
What are you doing here so early? 

JOE
What are you talking about?  This is the time I normally come.

GINNY
Those landfill fumes have affected your memory. You haven’t normally come for a month.  Max doesn’t like the bin overflowing.  It attracts rats. 

JOE
The fish were biting. I must’ve forgot. 

GINNY
Your dad never forgot.

JOE
I know, I know.  He was perfect, he was wonderful. You don’t have to keep reminding me.

GINNY
Somebody needs to, if you want to get the trash before the critters do.

JOE
Well I’m here now.

A bang followed by the sound of breaking dishes is heard. 

MAX
( OS)
Hey, one of you broads get in here and clean this up.

Ginny closes her eyes and grits her teeth.

GINNY
Come back after lunch.  There will be plenty of Max’s cooking to toss.

JOE
You don’t care if I come back later?

MAX
( OS)
You broads want me to look for you?